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Which ex did you use?

Unaskable

Questions people want answers to and would never dare ask. Precise, not shocking. For two people who have agreed to this.

How to play

  1. Both of you agree to this deck before the first card. Either of you can stop it.
  2. Answer the question that was asked: the name, the number, the order. Deflecting is an answer too; say so out loud.
  3. Start at level one. Go up only when both of you nod.

Level 1

  1. Which ex did you use?

  2. Whose drinking are the rest of you ignoring?

  3. Who do you like more when their life is going badly?

  4. Which ex could get you back with one phone call?

  5. What did an ex say about you that you've never been able to argue with?

  6. Which ex do you measure your partner against?

  7. Which ex would tell a room the worst true thing about you?

  8. Which ex are you still trying to prove something to?

  9. Which ex did you punish for what someone else did?

  10. Who would you drop first if your partner asked?

  11. Who did you stop calling once your life got better?

  12. Who in your group are you glad you're doing better than?

  13. Who are you waiting to watch fail?

  14. Which former partner found someone much better than you?

  15. Who is going to die broke?

  16. Whose wedding felt like a mistake while you were there?

  17. Which old friend knows too much for you to let go?

  18. Who in your group thinks they're closer to you than they are?

  19. Which ex do you blame for damage you caused yourself?

  20. Which friend's success makes you feel furthest behind?

  21. Which friend mistakes your pity for affection?

  22. Which former friend deserved a better ending from you?

  23. Which friend do you bring along because you look better next to them?

  24. Who do you keep away from your other friends?

  25. Which couple you know should have broken up years ago?

  26. Which friend would you trust least alone with your partner?

  27. Which ex are you most embarrassed to have loved?

  28. Which old friend are you keeping out of guilt?

  29. Which friend's partner would you choose over the friend?

  30. Whose success made you like them less?

  31. Which of your friendships would die if you stopped texting first?

  32. Who thinks they're your first call in a crisis and isn't?

  33. Who do you keep at texting distance so you never have to meet?

  34. Which friend bores you now?

  35. Whose loyalty have you never paid back?

  36. How much of your patience with your oldest friend is just habit?

  37. Who would drop you if staying cost them anything?

  38. Which friend's secret did you pass on?

  39. Which of your friends makes more money than they deserve?

  40. Whose partner ruins the evening for everyone else?

  41. Which friend got boring after they got happy?

  42. Which friendship survives only because you both remember the same year?

  43. Who owes you an explanation you'll never ask for?

  44. Which friendship depends on having someone to hate together?

  45. Whose grudge against you is fair?

  46. Whose marriage is your worst nightmare?

  47. Which ex would have been happier never meeting you?

  48. Which friendship ended because you got tired first?

  49. Which friend still thinks you're who you were at twenty-five?

  50. Which ex taught you something you're still using on people?

  51. Which of your friends would you not choose if you met them today?

  52. You promised to visit someone and never went. Who?

  53. Which friend's version of your falling-out is closer to the truth than yours?

  54. Which ex's family do you miss more than the ex?

  55. Which of your exes do you make sound worse than they were?

  56. Which ex were you relieved to be dumped by?

  57. Which former partner are you glad you didn't marry?

  58. Which friend's problems have started to bore you?

  59. Who has mistaken your politeness for friendship?

  60. Out of everyone you dated, who had the worst parents?

  61. Who do you avoid telling good news to?

  62. Who do you look up online when you feel like a failure?

  63. Of all your exes, who was too good for you?

  64. Whose plans do you agree to hoping they fall through?

  65. Who did you let believe the breakup was mutual?

  66. Whose parents did you like more than you liked them?

  67. What do you know about a friend's relationship that you've never said to their face?

  68. Which ex made you look better than you were?

  69. Who left the group chat and nobody chased them?

  70. Who did you take sides against without knowing the full story?

  71. Which ex still gets blamed for things that were your fault?

  72. Which friend are you warmer to by text than in person?

Level 2

  1. Which of your kids do you have to work at liking?

  2. How much of your kindness to your father is pity?

  3. What have you decided your partner will never be capable of?

  4. Which ex could still talk you into leaving your life?

  5. Which parent do you hope dies first?

  6. What does your father think you've forgiven him for?

  7. Which child gets the bigger share of what you leave?

  8. Whose version of your childhood is the lie, yours or your mother's?

  9. When did sex with your partner become a chore?

  10. What family argument is waiting for your parents to die before it begins?

  11. If your children were strangers, which one would you dislike?

  12. Whose death in your family will feel like a relief?

  13. Who loves you less, your mother or your father?

  14. Which child do you use to prove you are a good parent?

  15. Which promise to your partner are you counting on never being tested?

  16. Which of your partner’s failures makes you feel safer?

  17. Which ex do you compare your partner to when you’re disappointed?

  18. Who in your family mistakes your duty for love?

  19. Which sibling got the better version of your parents?

  20. Which parent ruined the other's life?

  21. Which ex dodged the biggest bullet by losing you?

  22. What do you blame your mother for that was never hers to fix?

  23. Which of your children do you expect to disappoint you most?

  24. Which relative’s apology would make you angrier than their silence?

  25. Which of your kids bores you?

  26. Which ex do you still hold your partner up against?

  27. If your mother weren't your mother, would you ever call her?

  28. When did you decide to stop trying and settle for your partner?

  29. What does your partner love about you that you mostly perform?

  30. Which in-law do you fear your partner is becoming?

  31. Which parent would you rather have been raised by alone?

  32. What do you no longer expect from your partner?

  33. After your parents are gone, which sibling do you expect to lose touch with?

  34. In your relationship, which of you is being put up with?

  35. Twenty years from now, which of your children calls you least?

  36. Who did your parents stop expecting anything from?

  37. Which parent is going into a home the second they need help?

  38. Which grandparent did your family love more than they deserved?

  39. What has your partner given up for you that you'd never give up for them?

  40. Which parent did you stop introducing to people?

  41. How much of your father’s advice is fear dressed up as wisdom?

  42. Between your parents, who settled?

  43. Which ex was right about you?

  44. At what point did you start handling your father instead of talking to him?

  45. Whose warning about your partner turned out to be right?

  46. Which of your partner's dreams would make your life worse if it came true?

  47. What did your brother or sister get away with that you're still counting?

  48. Which ex would your family rather you'd stayed with?

  49. What would you tell your partner's next person about them?

  50. Which family member is easier to love from a distance?

  51. Which argument do you let your partner win just so you can go to sleep?

  52. Whose wedding did you hope would get called off?

  53. Which parent do you already sound like when you lose your temper?

  54. Which parent would have been happier without children?

  55. Which ex’s family do you miss more than your own?

  56. When your partner goes away, what do you enjoy most?

  57. What mess of your father's are you dreading inheriting?

  58. Who do you still visit with nothing left to say?

  59. What do you admire in your mother that you would hate in your partner?

  60. When your partner cries, what do you feel first?

  61. At what age did you give up trying to impress your mother?

  62. What year did you lose respect for your father?

  63. Between your parents, who would you choose to disappoint?

  64. What did your parents sacrifice that you wish they'd stop mentioning?

  65. What will your children hold against you?

  66. Who do you tell things your partner should hear first?

  67. Which parent do you blame for what the other became?

  68. What part of your face did your mother teach you to hate?

  69. Whose name comes up in your arguments who has no business being there?

  70. Which relative did you stop defending?

  71. Whose public image in your family is the biggest lie?

  72. At ten, which parent did you love more?

Level 3

  1. What would you stop doing for me if you knew I would never leave?

  2. How long have you known you're going to leave?

  3. What happens when you're alone that you'd edit before telling me?

  4. Whose voice is it when you tell yourself you're lazy?

  5. Which story about your past do you know is a lie?

  6. Who gets the anger you’re too scared to show at home?

  7. What are you punishing your partner for that was your own doing?

  8. Who told you the truth about yourself and never got forgiven for it?

  9. What failure of yours do you still call bad luck?

  10. Whose death made your life easier?

  11. How much of your work ethic is fear of becoming your father?

  12. Who thinks you're dependable because they have never needed too much?

  13. Which apology have you rehearsed for years and never given?

  14. Whose bad advice did you take because you wanted someone else to blame?

  15. What dream did you turn into a hobby so you wouldn't have to fail at it?

  16. Who do you help because you need them to stay less successful than you?

  17. Who are you refusing to apologise to because being wronged suits you?

  18. Who do you keep close because their life makes yours look better?

  19. What did you decide by letting the time run out?

  20. Who do you think you're better than?

  21. Who are you being this good for?

  22. Which part of your life would you be relieved to lose?

  23. Which flaw do you blame on your parents to avoid fixing it?

  24. What insecurity in your partner do you feed to keep them around?

  25. Which disaster did you let a friend walk into because you wanted to watch?

  26. What do you hate in your mother because you see it in yourself?

  27. Who do you keep waiting so you can feel wanted?

  28. Who do you describe as difficult because they don't admire you?

  29. What do you pretend not to want because nobody offered it?

  30. Whose trust do you enjoy more than you deserve?

  31. Which friend do you trust least with your good news?

  32. Who do you resent for accepting the help you offered?

  33. How much of your generosity is insurance against being left?

  34. What have you forgiven out loud and still charge them for?

  35. What do you let people believe about how you got what you have?

  36. Which friend do you only call when you want to feel better about your own life?

  37. Which of your principles do you abandon the second it gets expensive?

  38. Who did you cut off because you were bored of them?

  39. Which ex did you keep chasing because being left felt like an insult?

  40. Which belief do you defend because changing your mind would make the last ten years look wasted?

  41. What are you hoping I'll talk you out of?

  42. What are you waiting for someone to die to say?

  43. Which fear do you call a principle?

  44. What do you call maturity that was really giving up?

  45. What does the third drink let you stop thinking about?

  46. Who have you made the villain because missing them would hurt more?

  47. Which principle of yours has never cost you anything?

  48. What would you lose if you got better?

  49. How much of your independence is just being impossible to live with?

  50. What do you want that you'd be ashamed to be caught wanting?

  51. What have you decided to be bad at so nobody asks you for it?

  52. What are you waiting for someone to die before you do?

  53. Who do you need to outlive before you can stop pretending?

  54. Whose part in your success do you leave out of the story?

  55. Whose invitation would make you ditch plans with someone you love?

  56. What did you swear you'd never become, and already are?

  57. Which mistake do you keep calling bad luck?

  58. Who paid for the ambition you call self-made?

  59. Whose apology would disappoint you because you'd lose the right to hate them?

  60. When did your calm at home turn into not caring?

  61. What salary would make you work for a company you call evil?

  62. Who would you not choose if you met them today?

  63. What selfish habit do you dress up as a personality quirk?

  64. Who thinks they hurt you more than they did?

  65. What did you forgive because leaving cost too much?

  66. Who did you stop admiring without ever telling them?

  67. What sentence about yourself turns up at 4am?

  68. Which old friend would you be relieved to never hear from again?

  69. Who do you let underestimate you because it's easier than delivering?

  70. Who keeps getting apologies from you instead of change?

  71. Which friend do you get careless with because they always forgive it?

  72. What's the thing you're failing at on purpose?

Level 4

  1. How much of your loyalty to me is just not wanting to start over?

  2. What have I cost you that you still keep a tally of?

  3. What do you pretend not to know about me so you don't have to do anything about it?

  4. Am I the person you love most, or the one who was there?

  5. When you leave me, which of my flaws will you use to justify it to your friends?

  6. What do you praise me for that you find pathetic?

  7. What could you have been by now if you had never met me?

  8. Which of my apologies did you accept without believing a word of it?

  9. When you picture life without me, what gets easier first?

  10. Which of my failures have you enjoyed being right about?

  11. Which promise to me are you waiting for an excuse to break?

  12. What do you blame me for that you chose yourself?

  13. What have you stopped wanting because you know I won't give it to you?

  14. When did you decide I was never going to change?

  15. What have I said to you that you've never let go of?

  16. How much money in the bank would give you the courage to leave?

  17. Which parent of mine do you punish me for acting like?

  18. Which of your parents would be relieved if you left me?

  19. How much uglier could I get before you stopped wanting me?

  20. Which fear of mine do you use to keep me close?

  21. Which of my ambitions do you hope fails so I stay close?

  22. Which insult from me do you believe?

  23. When did you start managing me instead of trusting me?

  24. What are you waiting for me to do so you can stop feeling guilty?

  25. Who do you measure me against when we're fighting?

  26. If this ended tonight, which of us is fine first?

  27. What do I think I am good at that embarrasses you to watch?

  28. What did your last partner give you that you have given up expecting from me?

  29. Which of your friends pities you for putting up with me?

  30. Which friendship do you think being with me has cost you?

  31. When have you used my love as permission to be cruel?

  32. What's the number that would make you leave me?

  33. How much of your day goes on managing my mood?

  34. Who would you ring first the night I walked out?

  35. If I died tonight, how long before you'd want someone else in that bed?

  36. What do I talk about that you've stopped hearing?

  37. How long ago did you stop fancying me?

  38. Which fight did you win by being crueller than me?

  39. When I'm talking to other people, what do you brace for?

  40. Who would take you back the day after I'm gone?

  41. What do you do differently the week I'm away?

  42. What major decision did you let me think was my idea?

  43. What do you let me believe I chose?

  44. What recurring complaint of mine do you listen to while thinking it is my own fault?

  45. Which of my parents do you think I'm turning into?

  46. Which story of mine do you know is fake but you let me tell anyway?

  47. Which fight did you pick just so you could be alone for an hour?

  48. What did your mother say about me that you've never repeated?

  49. Which of my interests are you tired of pretending to care about?

  50. What did you think you were getting that I turned out not to be?

  51. What do you say about me when you want sympathy?

  52. How long do you let me embarrass myself before you intervene?

  53. When my name comes up at your work, what do you leave out?

  54. What do you leave undone because you know I will cave first?

  55. What do you praise me for because you want me to keep doing it for you?

  56. What have you stopped telling me because I make it about me?

  57. Which friend of mine are you waiting for me to fall out with?

  58. What did you do for me last week while resenting it?

  59. What do you tell yourself about me to get to sleep after a fight?

  60. What do I do for you that you'd never do for me?

  61. What topic did you stop listening to me explain years ago?

  62. Which nice thing you do for me is guilt?

  63. What have I done that you'd never forgive in anyone else?

  64. How much of your honesty with me is revenge?

  65. Between me and your closest friend, who would you trust with a truth that could ruin you?

  66. What lie do you let me get away with telling?

  67. Between the two of us, who married down?

  68. How much of wanting me was that I wanted you first?

  69. How much of your silence after a fight is punishment?

  70. Who knows me better than you do?

  71. When did you last enjoy watching me be wrong in front of people?

  72. What do you need me to be bad at?